One Slow Sacred Breath

October 21, 2025

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Hey Lovies…

Yesterday was one of those days where breathing is the only thing that makes sense — one slow, unsteady breath at a time.

Coming back home after almost five years away has stirred up more than I expected. It’s been tender and tangled — like roots trying to remember where they belong. Lately, I’ve felt the loss of my grams more than ever. I’m only thirty minutes from where she should be… and yet, somehow, I’ve never felt further. Sunday marked two years since she left, and the ache of that distance — from her, from who I was then, from what felt like home — came rushing back.

And then Sunday, I said goodbye to my oldest.

He thought he’d stay here for a while, but decided to return to Georgia instead. I’ve always had him close — never more than ten minutes away. Watching him pull out of the driveway this time felt like something inside me unspooled. There’s a kind of quiet heartbreak that only a mother knows — the kind that comes not from loss, but from letting go.

People say it gets easier when they’re grown. Maybe in some ways. But the worry doesn’t leave; it just changes shape.

Yesterday morning, his car broke down on the side of the road outside Nashville. He’s safe — thank God — and after a tow, a repair bill, and an unexpected overnight stay, he is now heading back to Georgia. Still, my heart hasn’t quite unclenched. I kept my voice calm for him, but it took everything in me not to fall apart.

So if today feels heavy for you too — if you’re holding it all together with a thread that’s starting to fray — you’re not alone.

I’m right here with you, breathing through it, one slow and sacred breath at a time.

All my Love,

-Jenny

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One response to “One Slow Sacred Breath”

JC

Oct 21, 2025 at 12:12 pm

Oh my sweet friend! Your grams sounds like an amazing lady, and there’s no doubt in my mind, that she was exactly that, and meant the world to you! A loss like that gets a little easier as time goes on, but that longing in your heart, the loss, it’s okay to grieve, it’s okay to share your heart about her. I’m glad that you have such great memories of her!

There are so many things in life that do get easier, but not forgotten. With our kids, it can get better, and maybe easier in a lot of respects, but still at times, still difficult to breathe through, at that time.

Age? Nope, age doesn’t matter, ever, not for a mom. When my oldest left for boot camp (Marines) I thought I would die! I felt as if I lost my heart that day. When I went to his graduation, oh my soul! The boy that left to go to boot camp came back a young man! He was married, that left another hole in my heart, stationed in Japan for awhile then to Camp Pendleton in California. Lord have mercy, but he was in the states so I was happy.

Then my first grandchild was born! My son was then deployed to Iraq for Desert Storm. I was a mess, not ever knowing if he was coming home alive, was the worst. Well thank God he did come home alive, different for all of the things he had gone through over there, but home. I don’t remember when it was that our relationship turned toxic for me with the way he treated me, talked to me, or didn’t talk to me, etc. I let it happen at that time I guess because I felt I deserved it, for many reasons. That was 20 years ago and up until last year, when I finally had had enough, I told him I was done. Until he treated me the way I deserved to be treated, talked to me like I was his mom, I was done. Once again, I thought I was going to die with the heartbreak. But, I had done something for me, finally! Today, our relationship is what I had always hoped for and prayed for for so many years, never thinking it would ever happen.

That was the hardest time in my life. I still at times get fearful that the other shoe might drop again, but my hope in Jesus truly has sustained me! Is it hard to breathe at times, yes!

I have stories of my other two as well. My youngest, my middle one…. but I’m here for you, I’m praying for you. So while the above doesn’t really help you, just know that I love you, I understand exactly where you are and what you are feeling.

JC

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