Losing who you used to be isn’t failure. It might be freedom.

I used to think that change meant something had gone wrong.

If I didn’t recognize myself, I must have drifted. If I didn’t fit the rooms I used to walk into with ease, I must have lost something. If I was more quiet, more inward, more selective with my yes — I must have gotten smaller.

But the truth is, I’m not who I was.
And that’s not failure.
It’s faith.
It’s growth.
It’s grace.

There are versions of me that were built to survive. The girl who smiled even when it hurt. The woman who said yes out of fear, not freedom. The mother who tried to do it all without asking for help. The believer who thought she had to perform closeness with God rather than just sit in it.

Those versions got me here. And I honor them. But I don’t want to live there anymore.

Now, I move slower.
I ask more questions.
I cry when I need to.
I pray less like a script and more like a sigh.
And I’m starting to believe that all of this — the softening, the shifting, the pulling back so I can come back more whole — is holy.

There are people who knew me then who may not understand me now.
There are expectations I used to meet that I no longer try to.
There are relationships that no longer fit and rhythms that no longer serve.
And some days, I still grieve the girl who could power through anything — even if it broke her.

But this version of me?

She is not lesser. She’s just real.
And real is enough now.

So if you’re in the middle of a becoming — if you’re looking around your life and thinking, I don’t recognize this version of me, — take a breath.

It’s okay.

You’re not going backward.
You’re becoming.

All My Love,

-J

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P.S.
God is not disappointed in the version of you that is slower, softer, or still sorting things out. You don’t have to return to who you were in order to be loved. The work you’re doing — quietly, faithfully — is enough.

What’s one way you’ve changed that surprised you — and maybe scared you a little? What version of yourself are you learning to bless instead of grieve?